To begin your quest to find the right partner, think about the traits
and behaviors you prefer. Most people automatically think of
superficial traits such as height or eye color. Though these traits may
be important to you, other traits may also be more important when it
comes to having a healthy, long-term relationship. Here is a list of
some important qualities to consider:
A. Commitment To Personal Growth
1. Interested in learning how to be a better person and partner.
2. Aware of emotional baggage and weaknesses.
3. Has personal goals for self-improvement.
B. Emotional Openness
1. Aware of his or her own feelings.
2. Able to express his or her feelings.
3. Desires to share feelings with partner.
C. Integrity
1. Honest with themselves.
2. Honest with others and you.
3. Does not play games about wants and feelings.
D. Maturity and Responsibility
1. Maintains a clean house, pays bills and handles finances
2.Respects your boundaries, values, feelings, and time.
E. High Self-esteem
1. Takes pride in themselves without being arrogant.
2. Takes care of their health, living environment.
3. Does not allow other people to mistreat him/her.
F. Positive Attitude Towards Life
1. Focuses on solutions instead of problems.
2. Turns obstacles into opportunities.
3. Sees the good in people and situations.
4. Consider some flaws that can be fatal to a relationship. Your
partner might have one or more of these traits and still be capable of
having a relationship. The following is a list of fatal
flaws: Addictions, Anger, Feeling like a victim, Control freak, Has
sexual dysfunction, Hasn’t grown up, Emotionally unavailable, Hasn’t
recovered from past relationships, Has emotional damage from childhood.
Next, turn the examination inwards. Ask yourself what is holding you
back from having a loving relationship. Perhaps you are hurt from a
previous break-up. Maybe you are afraid of commitment. Identify these
issues and find ways to resolve them. In addition, examine your previous
relationships and learn from them. What mistakes did you make? What
aspects of a previous relationship would you want to develop in a future
relationship? Finally, examine other factors that might affect your
partner choice: cultural norms, expectations of male and female roles,
religious background, and socio-economic status. What are your core
values that you are not willing to bend or change?
ANALYZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Once you are in a relationship, continue to examine your
compatibility with your partner. Do not overlook compatibility issues in
order to just “be in a relationship”. In other words, do not ignore
warning signs of potential problems. Other mistakes include making
compromises, such as eliminating activities you like because they don’t
find them interesting, or reducing your communication with family
members or friends your partner dislikes. Evaluate your core value
systems and determine if they mesh with your partners. These values are
important to you and if your partner and you do not share these values,
then there may always be arguments about these.
TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
You should not be hesitant to ask your partner questions. It is
important to learn not only about your partner, but also about your
partner’s relationship with his or her family. Learning about their
family will provide better insights about your partner. Here is a list
of questions you could ask:
What do you like to do for fun? What did you do for fun when you were
younger? How often do you get out and have fun? How much time per week
do you take for leisure activities? What do you do when you want to
relax? What do you like to do on vacation? What were your friendships
like when you were growing up?
How do you handle tough times? How have you handled some of the difficult situations in your life?
What were your parents like when you were growing up? How did their
opinions influence you, then and now? How did your parents get along?
How have you changed over the years?
What are your plans for the future? What are your attitudes and what
is your style for handling money? Do you like to help with household
chores? What do you like to talk about? What conversations do you like
to avoid?
TAKE YOUR TIME
Overall, be patient. It is critical to know your own values, wants,
and needs before you enter a relationship. Take your time getting to
know your partner’s personality, history, value systems, and ideals to
evaluate whether this is a quality relationship.
Very correct
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